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| well, this is my last entry for a while.
Leaving for boot camp soon 3 more days.
It's been real, it's been fun, it's been... me writing a lot more than a normal person should and likewise more than a normal person would read.
so for the sake of all you out there.
I'll make this short.
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| I had a new bad dream last night
not physically realistic (because I was mostly unkillable.. like some video game character)... but aside from my strange ability to survive most things, it was disturbingly realistic.
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I was visiting Rena and spying on strange things going on. I'd made friends with some people around. A couple college peoples and some other random people (that in the dream I knew reasonably well, but I have no idea who they are irl).
As part of my spying I stayed in several different places around. One was this single bedroom hotel room. Another place was this 4 or 5 room place with a couple other people (like a host family of sorts). The final place was this college dorm in the same area as the host family house. I guess one of the college kids I befriended lived at this house also, 'cause he would just come in without anyone letting him in.
Still strange things were happening around town, so it was job to find out what and fix them. I investigated this very large circular mall type thing. It was somehow stylized like a very large... arena? Circular with stairs leading up from the center area... on large wall going along the middle with several gates... but all around the top of the steps, there were normal stores. Like Belks and Sears... I think there was a Hot Topic... but there were also lots of other stores that I don't know, but in the dream they weren't unusual to me. There were also sub stairs that led to other places below the stores... I think that some of them led to the house of my host family, 'cause I would go down them sometimes to get in (but there were about three entrences to get into and out of that place).
The other sets of sub stairs led to all kinds of places... most sicnifigantly this laboratory. I never saw ANYONE working there. Never. I would go there during the day, and absolutly nothign would be going on. No one working, and no one in the halls or the rooms (the one time that I broke in during the day). Not even anything beyond some tables and chairs in the rooms. Maybe a couple monitors and an operating table and some gournies too now that I think of it... Come to think of it though... was this a lab or a hospital? Either way though, it was deserted.
Still... there was something strange about it. Vibe-wise, very unusual. For the most part I didn't do anything with it though. The third or so night was when the college kids came around pestering things. The son of the fmily (a college guy now) was there, and we chit-chatted. I didn't really explain what I was doing there... or... well I gave him a reason, but it was mostly untrue. (in the area visiting friends). He was satisfied with the explination though. He asked em to come to this party he was having at his place and I went.
Typical college party. Lots of beer and college kids. Still, I enjoyed myself, talked to lots of people. The kid who'd invited me got really sick at some point and wasn't anywhere to be found later (not that I looked particularly hard). Met some girls, they seemed anoying full of themselves and bothered me (they were hot, since for some reason people care about that)... I ended up leaving the party without telling anyone and started wondering around the area. Eventully I found myself near this mall thing again, so I went in. It wasn't really locked (not as in someone forgot, just it's not intended to be locked I believe).
Wondered around. There wasn't a roof to the large circular area, so it was illuminated by moonlight and somewhere there were fires/tourches or something rather than electricity, although the stores had their flourecent lights on (well the ones that were still open did). The area was mostly deserted, but I randomly found the college kid who belonged to the family I was staying with wondering around. We talked a little, and he started telling me about the weid stuff going on. Hick-ups in reality. Peope who'd just sleep for a couple days and wake up like nothing happened. I wound up going back down the substairs that lead to the lab/hospital, jimmied the lock again (effortlessly, like it wasn't secured very well) and wondered in. I still didn't see anyone working there... but that kid had apparently come with me, 'cause I noticed him staring into a room with a blueish glow coming from it.
I went over to see what was up, and there was someone strapped down on a gurny with a monitor hanging off the wall with blue text and nothing else (very early operating system style... like DOS). The person wasn't scared or anything. She was concious, though she waas still strapped down and her mouth was covered (with some sort of flu mask looking thing... like a surgen wears? In fact, she was very similarly dressed to a surgen the little hair cover hat thing as well).
We checked around and pressed some buttons. One of the buttons that the kid pushed opened up this wall and inside there was a massive gyroscope looking device with a giant test tube in the center. We didn't really stay to check it out though... somehow we had to get out of there pretty quickly before someone cought us. We resealed the wall and left. Still didn't see anyone else though.
Walking through the courtyard There was some kind of desterbance. Someone had broken down two of the gates and people were kind of milling about the area to see what happened. It was still the middle of the night. I don't think anyone saw what happened though. It mostly looked like someone really big rammed the gate in the middle and it bowed out so much that the gate just fell over.
We went back to the house and found everything basically normal. Nothing particularly interesting gonig on... just a normal seeming family doing normal seeming things. At some point (after the kid had gone back to college for his classes) a couple of the 'hot' girls came to the house. I ended up sneaking out the back rather than dealing with them. Hot girls who think the world owes them everything, even though they have little more to offer than being eye-candy... really really piss me off... (unfairly I tend to assume most hot girls are this way... even though I've heared of some who are apparently smart as well... I've just never met one). Even though they get on my nerves... I'm still a guy, so hot girls are somehow seductive (in a primal way I suppose? True irl too though)... So yeah, I skipped out the back entrance and went up the stairs, and there was another one of those girls there. She said something about being glad she knew ____(blahblah I can't remember the name of the college guy who belonged to the family, but thats who she said) in high school, 'cause she knew where his secret entrances were.
So... they cought me and convinced me to go back with them to their place for another party... ugn... That college guy was there, so was his roomate... no one else aside from us 6 though... it was clearly going to be a lot harder to sneak out. The roomate excused himself though, and the guy (I should make up a name to call him...) was there pretty drunk and out of it... so the girls wee basically focusing on me. I vaguely remember one of them trying to give me a sensual massage and another trying to kiss me... lol, my annoyance was too high for them to overcome with seduction though, so I eventually brushed them off and left.
When I got back to the house The family was still up... sort of. The mom was looking into the top fridge... where it seemed to be filled with wine (not wine in bottles, but wine, just held in by some invisible wall or force)... but she wasn't moving. Weird... Went into another room, and the father was doing somethign detail oriented (something with small tools... repairing a watch maybe?)... but he didn't notice me coming in.
After about an hour, I went back to check in again. I passed through to kitchen and saw the mom scooping some of the floating wine out of the fridge with two small rce bowls. She drank one and pured the other into this pot. I guess maybe she wasn't frozen before, just confused about why the wine was floating there and maybe considering how to get it out. The father was still repairing the same watch... still? More strange, I noticed he was making the EXACT same movements over and over again. Exactly the same... like perpetual motion. At first I kinda just thought it was only really similar... but... no, it was exact. He still wasn't awear of my presence either... it was like he was cought in some sort of 2-3 second long time loop and cut from the rest of reality.
A little weirded out (and interested to have seen some of the strange phenominon myself finnaly) I went back to the kitchen. And saw the mom making the same movements as well. She was walking from the fridge and pouring in the pot after drinking one of the bowls herself. Just like the father... she was stuck in this perpetual motion. It occured to me that I might have been the one stuck inbetween time though, which is why they seemed to be repeting things and unawear of me... seems more likely for one person to be affted rather than two. But... I don't think this was the case... the mom was becoming visibly more intoxicated from the drinking of the wine, and the father was sweating in a non-repeating way... so no... they weren't even cought in a time loop... just their minds were perhaps?
I went back to the lab place pretty quickly after that. I found a large bio-hazard suit (complete with a helmat) ... or maybe it was a nuclear radiation suit... I don't really know the difference I suppose... but I think it was pretty heavy like it was filled with lead. I was wondering around some more... still didn't see anyone working there. I found my way back to the room with the secret wall and the lady on the gurny. There was someone different on the gurny this time and some sort of mechanical operating apparatus hanging from the cealing above her. In the attached room there was the college guy pressing some buttons and messing around with it... but he seemed possesed... definately not acting in the same way as he usually did.
He noticed me. He stared at me for a moment, then hurriednly finished hitting buttons (this time much faster than he'd been working). The machine above the girl spran go tlife and started disecting her... she didn't seem to mind really, but it was rather gross... I ran into the room to stop him, but he jumped through the wall, directly into the gyroscope device. I couldn't do anything with the controls, it was broken and sparking. That guy was inside the giant test tube and the gyroscope was spining. It sent out some sort of pusle and he was gone.
The machine in the adjoining room was going in reverse now. It all was going in reverse. Where it had been cutting and removing organs, it was now putting them back and uncutting (like a movie in rewind... not sealing... just... reverse of cutting). I saw myself in the doorway... apparently I was horrified about the machine cutting this girl up... I didn't realize how long I'd been stunned there at the time... ... I didn't even realize how it had affected me... Then I considered if I was here watching myself there, then the guy I saw should be in here with me... but he wasn't. So, I did the next best thing and broke the controls of the machine after it was done working in reverse on the girl. Then I broke the gyroscope. Everything went back to moving normal speed forword, but that guy was nowhere to be found.
I went back to the house and found the family sleeping near the area they'd been stuck in, a bit of wine colored vomit around the woman... but she seemed fine, just sleeping. The father sleeping at his desk... the watch... gone? He still had a small screwdriver in his right hand though. The college kids showed up and were getting stuff out of the fridge... but so many things hadn't been put in the correctly, so things spilled, or were dirty when they took them out. They complained a bit, but eventually went on with their day. I stayed hidden the whole time they were there. If that had been the same kid... he seemed back to his normal self... ... to which I concluded it probably wasn't him I saw in the lab (only now that I've woken up have I considered it was a demon, and probably the same thing that'd knocked down the gate the previous night)... still... very weird.
I left the house and got a small one bedroom studio apartment (this was the one bedroom hotel.. now that I'm remembering, I remember it was a studio apt... heh... oops?). Still, I couldn't just let things go... that was a lot of weirdness, and no real answers for why. I went back to the lab the next day... and it was so different. There weren't long hallways and multiple rooms. There were two guys (wearing the lead suit like the one I had) working there now. They were doing strange expiriments. Nothing dangerous though... there was still the opperating table/gurny and the multi-armed machine above it. Still a control room... but in sted of people, there were just lots of random objects. A tire, several pairs of shoes, an anchor... some other stuff that just seemed out of place. The machine was set up to spray this clear coat over the items, then pick up the next and do it again. Weird...
As it turned out it was some kind of shop (now). Rena was working there as were a couple other girls. They were in the front selling things, or... well... talking to the customers. It seemed to be some sort of repair shop (sort of makes sense as to why there was a strange selection of items back there) (now that I'm thinking back on it, the 'clear coat' might have been some sort of nanite spray what restored things to a previous state... though I'm not fairly sure how to sxplain something being possible... ... I don't really know if it would be, but my gut says it is... just it's beyond my understanding... this is right now that I'm thinking about this by the way ... also my nose just started bleeding...). for some reason the girls were all wearing bikinis with workshop aprons over the front. Rena had on a very small yellow string bikini... I don't remember the other girls much or what they were wearing, beyond they were also wearing bikinis, but not nearly as small as the one Rena had on.
At some point Rena spotted me (probably the first person to notice me without me making my presence obvious). Heh... she would... So she dragged me around to meet the guys working in the back and was excited to tell me about this and that in the shop. We went out to Olive Garden after she got off work (and she changed). A bit mor ecatching up. She asked what I waas doing in town... I avoided the question... and... she didn't mind. It felt nice to sit and relax and not be hassled about things I didn't want to talk about. She was just happy... and... so was I.
I was outside in my car... leaving for some reason... I think to report that nothing interesting was going on at this suspicious place. Then I heard the sirens, and an announcement that went along with it informing everyone this was NOT just a test. It was some city in Virginia. Why would that place be targeted? I knew I should get out of there... I was already on my way out... but... I did a U-Turn... to go back for Rena.
I knew I wouldn't be able tou get there before the bomb hit, and if I was... I definately wouldn't be able to get out again... but... I couldn't not try...
Turns out I was right in the first case... no way could I get there before the bomb hit. Bright as fuck, everything was the same shade of white. My car got hit by some car that had been thrown through the air in my direction, and I ended up under a pile of about 6 cars... somehow I was still alive. I still had the lead suit with me (in the back seat?) so I put it on and crawled out from under all the cars... I was in a lot of pain... Everything was in ruin around me... whole halves of buildings were missing... just cut away like some vin-diagram...
I mannaged to stumble my way back to the lab area where Rena was supposed to have been working... there wasn't anyone there... there was a lot of ruin though... I went back inside the building, there were the remains of a couple skelitons (I think) but all the shoes and the anchor and all that junk was still in perfect condition. The false wall had apparenlty still been there (even though I hadn't thought about it when I was there and saw Rena)... but was mostly knocked down now... and the gyroscope was running.
I felt a little despare... I felt... Rena must have died... ... but a little spark of hope opened up in me... maybe she'd started the gyroscope and jumped inside... maybe she dissapeared the same way as that guy had done... ... I had no idea what was on the other side or if he'd even survived going into that thing... ... but... it was the only real hope I had... so I jumped in now. (how was it not broken anymore? I didn't even think about it in the dream but now I am... though if this was truely a repair shop and it was repairing things with these all purpose repair things you spray on... then I suppose it could make sense).
When I came to... I was in the relative same area. Things were very different though. There was a sense of everything being filthy/dirty... and some people were bustling about in squallar. If you've ever seen Idocracy... or maybe The Road Warrior, then it was futuristic like that. People were inhearantly dumber now and a lot more violent.
Man... I've been writing and trying to remember for about 2 hours now... I guess I'll just end it about here and go out for a run and such...
the rest of it is sumurized with befriending some girl who worked at the hospital I woke up in. finding my way along the street looking for Rena. Learning about the short war that followed the accidental missle launch. Helping this girl from the hospital with her errands for the day, including returning some movies. While wating in line for the movie, it started to get dark so people left to run home behind locked doors and such. Some old lady explained to me that they chose random cities every night and she didn't want to be outside if they chose this one tonight (though she didn't go into detail about who/what they were... it came accross like it was some kind of tv show though). I didn't really believe her though I guess, and the girl I was helping made it seem like it was highly unlikely for them to choose this city, so she wasn't particularly worried. then 'they' ended up showing up... lots of joise, basically a huge gang of people runing around killing and pillaging... we ran to the apt I had before and tried to go in the windo, she got in, and as I was climbing in, one of the thugs grabed me and snarled "where are you gonig" as he stabed me in the back with a knife... that hurt... then two more came up and the three of them pushed down on me so that I broke the frame of the window, shatering half the glass into my skin and the other half (that was still connected to the frame) stabed through my body... deep enough that I lost so much blood so quickly that I was nearly instantly cold and couldn't even fel the pain I was in... Something inside me was ticked off though as the guys started climbing over me to attack the girl I'd been with... but then... things rewound by my will. and I was back to the point where we were slowly sneaking in therough the window, and insted I jumped through it and dragge the girl in with me. The three guys came up just behind us, and I whipped around, broke the first one's neck and threw him out the window, into the rial of the balcony. He was dead, the other two kept coming though. I grabed one and threw him out the window, I'd intended to throw him over the balcony, but insted he hit it with so much force that it broke his back... the third guy I'd lost sight of, he was attacking the girl. I dragged him off her, and slung him around smacking his head against the wall then letting him go and grabbing him by his head, thre him off the balcony as well. ... I looked over to my left, and there was some guy (I guess supervising these thugs) in some type of elevator who was smerking. The doors closed between us... and I woke up. (bleh long summary eh?)
ok, my leg feels fine today though, so I'mma go fr a run. Ciao
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| Hmm... I had something... but... I forget it now... oops? Come back to this one (maybe)
OH! I think I was going to write my theory on matter and energy... since it's been basically proven that mater is made of atoms which are made of smaller particles (with charges... even neutrons are basically just a proton and electron merged into one entity)... and those are supposedly made of smaller particles... etc.
Light is apparently energy, and not matter... but it's still affected by gravity, which is more or less a force we still don't quite understaand...
Fire is energy (or just a reaction? I'm not sure what it's classified as...), but still somehow it's own entity.
so it goes. Solid, liquid, gas, plasma... the end? ... or maybe light is after that... or maybe energy... or something else... just my thoughts... maybe photons are strongly charged electrons or protons... or quarks... w/e... something like that.
We're really not going to move much as a society till we get fusion down though... and... we'll prolly destroy ourselves before then... ... too bad I'm not a scientist... I might have figured stuff out...
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Live Free of Die. Man I like that motto.
New Hampshire... maybe thats where I'll retire.
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Spent lunch with my mo and sis and everyone else.
Mom mostly didn't realize I was there =\
We were supposed to have planed that this Sunday (ie TODAY) my mom and sis and I would go out for lunch or dinner as this would be the last time they'd see me fore I ship out.
When I called yesterday to confirm, I was informed that my mom was having lunch with my sis and her husband, but I was welcom to join them... ... yes... welcome to join them for my own farewell thing (which, if you hadn't guessed was not a farewell for me as much as a 'lets meet and talk with Liz and her husband and so on... ... not that I dislike my sister... but fuck man!? I'm leaving for 10 weeks... MAYBE longer... was it too much to hope that my family might have made one lunch, out of the 200+ they do every year, about me?)
Well Dave did talk to me about going... but my mom went so far as to try and make him feel guilty about focusing more on me than my sis... ... and people wonder why I don't feel the need to talk to them so much? They don't really care. Which doesn't mean they wouldn't care if I was dead... but they just don't care so long as I'm not dead.
Someone recently was talking to me about death, and I was clear about how I didn't care about it (anymore I guess... but the memories from when I did will haunt me forever I guess... ...). Still, I explained when I die, death will probably be the least of my worries. He said it would still be sad for all the people who'll never get to see me again... so I asked, 'where are these people now that I'm not dead?' So there you have it... that more or less sums it up. I'm not dead yet, and it doesn't matter that much to people... so what right do they have to cry at my funeral?
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The other week I went to visit my dad. The plan was I would spend the night there and leave in the morning to hang out with the Ice Kitty. As it turned out... I didn't want to spend the night... so I said my goodbyes at about 1am and drove home (40 min drive?). I think my dad and his wife were a little sad... and I felt bad... but... I dunno... ... the best I can explain (Without going into the insanity of my 'reality') is my 'danger sense' was bugging the hell out of me... ... nothing (sane) happened after I got home anyway.... His wife made mention when I was leaving that they had plans for me at lunch... which... makes me worried they were trying to set me up with some girl or something... ... but why, I'm leaving in just about a week now... what would have been the point of it...
Still... it's strange to me... I have a room at my mom's and my dad's. My mom's room for me is basically a room filled to the doorway with stuff, which I don't really mind since I have zero intention of staying there. However... why does she insist that I'm welcome there whenever if there isn't actually a place for me? Just for pucblic face I suspect... ... ... still, I'm 26... why would I be going there anyway?
The room at my dad's though... actually was designed and furnished for me and me alone (not sure why exactly... but he has one for me and my sis). It's kind of cute actually. I mean... I miss my dad, and surly he knows I'm not intending to spend nights there enough to require a whole room to myself... but... still he has one for me. My dad has never really showered either Liz or myself with attention... but he did try and split it as evenly as possible (he worked a lot :<)... ... he's always been fair and someone I could look up to... ... but there is still a large gap there =\.
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I was running today, and was just finnishing up my first lap... when I passed this dead cat on the road (I didn't expect it there). It startled me... and must have just recently died... ... my head started killing me and I felt rather sad... ... I twisted my left ankle a bit... it still hurts, but it forced me to stop running for today... I really can't afford to be seriously injured! So... I'll give it today, go easy (ie no more runs today :<) and just stick with the push ups and sit ups.
Oh, but I'm started to get my definition back! Yay for seeing my abbs again :p (hehe, shut up, I let myself go for a bit, so I'm happy to see myself getting back into reasonable looking shape). Guess it does come back pretty quick... I only really started pushing myself with situps last thursday... been making it a goal to do 50 more each day... started at 100 and now I have like 200 more today? oi... my stomach muscles are a tad sore, but I'll live :p
I'm ostly worried about pushups... I remember beign able to knock out 50 easy enough... now I'm still strugling on 40 (at once)... .. still... just have to do all I can, rest a bit then do some more...
This is my schedual this week.
Push ups, Sit ups, Run, Sit ups, push ups, rest for an hour and repete. good schedule?
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| I'm not entirely sure why... but recently, I've been comparing anyone who disagrees with me to Charles Manson... regardless why they disagree, how right they might be, or how insignificant.
Ok, not EVERY time... but more than once a day, which is kinda frequently imo.
Example:
Ugn, I am so bored bored here, it's just a complete waste of my time D:!
Yeah... well at least you're getting paid?
... ... *glare* ... so was Charlie Manson! *storm off*
Yes, I know she was just trying to be positive... really I was just playing around... still it's funny... but weird.
It's almost like this is replacing my standard "your face" comeback. (ex. This Table smells funny D: ... Not as funny as YOURFACE!! BURN!!)
Ah... the nonsensicle comebacks are always the best~
(though I did hear a great 'your momma' joke. Yo momma is SO fat, when guys get on top of her, their ears pop!)
Apparently they don't need me at work tonight, so a day off, woot~
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